i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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