You can't special order awesome
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
