I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
