Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
