I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
