Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
