I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
