If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize