Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
