your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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