I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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