what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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