Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
