My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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