I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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