I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
