My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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