I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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