It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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