you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
