Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
