i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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