hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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