I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
