The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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