You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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