I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize