I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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