mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
