Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
