she was so not down for the gang bang
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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