My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
