this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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