So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So apparently I’m into choking now
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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