Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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