the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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