Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
