We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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