i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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