I wish I could punch you in the face.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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