I'm eating all of the evidence.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
