Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
