im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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