Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
