Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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