mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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