Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
