Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my mouth tastes like poor choices
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
