Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Use "feeling words"
Yay
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
