I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
