My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
