Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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