Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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