It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
