well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
