i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
