Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
