Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
