And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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