so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Im part way to drunk.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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