apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
