Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
