I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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