I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They are going to name an STD after you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
