this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Too much gin, very little bucket
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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