She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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