I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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