Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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