If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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