Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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