why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
