don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
