I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
