david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
