guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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