Just cropdusted the office
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
