This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I will pee on everything he values.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
