He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
why didn't you poke me back
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
